There is a week of uncertainty ahead. This is the week of a retreat I’m attending. I’ve been here before having spent 8 days with this group, different people but same purpose. The purpose is self-discovery, self-acknowledgement, self-love. It’s about letting go of the past and making space for the new and to accept your new path and your part in it. It’s about accepting where you are on that path and living through it rather than always judging, yourself, others and the circumstances you find yourself in.
Outwardly I’m prepared for it. I’m keeping to my routines for stability, the travel is planned, the bag is packed and I appear my usual calm self. I’m sleeping well, meditating, writing, walking...
But somewhere lurking just below the surface of this outward calm, there is a little storm brewing. Inwardly I can feel my inner child struggling with the anxiety of exposure, for exposure is surely what will happen as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow. Given my nature has been to shy away from the spotlight and to nurture my introvert personality through it, the thought of sharing my thoughts, especially my most inner, self-protecting ones brings some degree of anxiety to life.
I don’t view it as a bad thing, merely another way of learning about myself, accepting myself as I am. There is no rule that says we all need to love talking about ourselves. For some, it seems so easy but for others, it’s a trial and that’s just the nature of humanity.
So how will I deal with the little niggling feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach, in those chakras that house my self-esteem and self-worth, my worries about what others think of me?
- Remaining grounded and in the moment
- Practising meditation and deep breathing techniques.
- Taking time to sit and reflect on how I feel is another, wherever possible in nature and surrounded by beauty and calm.
- Hold the feeling and not fight with it, accept it as part of who I am, let it sit for as long as it wants to remain and then let it dissipate and flow from me.
Having done something so similar before is a gift as I can visualise myself there and remember the feelings of self-love and acceptance that flowed through me. I remember the deep connections it brought me with others who shared the experience and importantly it gave me the opportunity to remember that being part of being human is to accept our imperfection as we sit with others of imperfection and celebrate that life progresses because of it rather than in spite of it.
I have a little card a dear friend gave me and I love its message.
You’ve Got This’